If The Shoe Box played for Brazil "Shoinhosa"

Thanks to Regal Beagle you too can play for Brazil.

Celebrity Crushes

After reading Bambi's post on celebrity crushes I had to come with mine.  Throughout my life I have fallen in and out of love with many a fly shawty.  Movie stars, pop stars, athletes, and model dime pieces have all graced my bedroom walls.  However, these three ladies have been crushes through the long haul and any future wifey will need to know if these women come a calling a divorce is guaranteed.

Linda Cohn

 This Sportscenter hottie had me at "Lenny Dysktra homerun", she is the finest women in all of sports.  The combination of sexualness and sports knowledge would make any man leave his significant other.  I cannot tell you how many nights I have fallen asleep to her soft and soothing voice only to wake up to her in the morning.  She is by far the best anchor and woman in sports, especially when she wears those skirts with boots.  If only we could be hitting home runs all night in between the sheets. 

Rosie Perez

First of all Rosie does not even know what she does to me.  Her latin flair, broken English, and raspy voice drives me insane.  From the moment I saw her in boxing shorts and dancing in the beginning of "Do The Right Thing" ( a Spike Lee joint) I was sprung.  She is muy caliente and is not cooling off anytime soon.  It would not get much better than a late night white man CAN jump session with Rosie.  

Claire Huxtable

Cliff had it damn good.  Late night jam sessions with Claire and some jazz, does it get any better?  There was a point in my life when all I would watch was "The Cosby Show" and during those years I fell hard.  Claire is the finest mother on television.  These new shows with new mothers have nothing on Claire.  She was smart, classy, and sexy.  This cougar would easily pry me away from any woman.  A little jazz, wine, and Claire would make for the best night of my life. 

Celebrity Crushes- Sorry Anna

My recent engagement has inspired me to make a list of celebrity crushes . With all due respect to my lovely fiance Anna, knowing I will be with only one woman for the rest of my life has sparked the imagination. Part of me says - what could have been. When celebrity crushes are mentioned there are of corse the obvious choices. Names like Nicole Kidman, CatWoman, Mary Don Boyle, Julia Roberts, Mrs. Tindle from the 2nd grade, and clearly Lois Griffin are the first off the tongue. On a more realistic , "attainable" note, three special names come to mind. 

Suzy Kolber

Joe Namath had it right . His desire to kiss Suzy Kolber on Monday Night Football a few years back was evident, and it wasn't just the booze talking. Suzy Kolber is the main reason I watch football on Monday nights. Professionalism and confidence ooze onto her microphone, melting hearts and raising shorts across the country. The short hair and manly voice surprisingly do something for me in a sick sort of way. In addition to the looks , she clearly has football insight and knowledge. I can just picture us on the beach at sunset, holding each other closely, and her spitting out sports knowledge. Unlike her coworker Rachel Nichols (woof woof) , Suzy is the perfect mix of looks and sports knowledge. She is the first combination of the two since the infamous Linda Cohn. If there were no Anna, I would love Suzy Kolber to commentate. . . on the field. . . of my heart. 

Kelly Kapowski

Zach Morris is easily the luckiest man to ever walk the earth. The best hair in the business-check. Cool cell phone - check. Killer band - check. Those things, among others, are just the tip of the iceberg. Zach's lifelong love and wife, Kelly Kapowski was the first crush of my life. Few women on earth are worth waking up for at 7 in the morning, but Kelly is one of them. With girl next door looks, work habits of an illegal immigrant, and the heart of your sweet grandmother, Kelly is the mold of which my dream-woman was made after. Throw in all state volleyball skills, and you have solid gold. My desire to marry Kelly started when I was just a young boy watching the show with my sister. Unfortunately for us all, Kelly is off the market. The idea of an affair has crossed my mind, but no one messes with Zach Morris. Just ask Slater. 

Katie Couric

Katie Couric is my all time biggest crush. It was love at first sight. Katie could report the world is ending in a fiery demise, and her words would melt my heart. She is a sorority girl from Virginia. Her smile is to me what Kryptonite was to Superman. There is no list of things I would not do to get close to her . Nothing. Though my fan mail goes unanswered, my love remains. It's hard for me to talk about Katie, because of the jitters I get. Her smile makes me studder, go weak in the knees, and gives me instant diarriah. The good news is Katie is single ( through a disaster). It's only a matter of time until Katie comes to the coast to live with me , but until then, we will always have our letters. By that I mean the letters I have written, and the voice in my head that sounds similar to hers. . . Katie Johnson has such a ring to it . . . . 

Sumter's Finest

Sumter, South Carolina is know for three things. The first being Shaw Air Force Base. Shaw attracts people from all over the world, and is something like the fifth biggest air force base in the country. Yadda Yadda Yadda. Secondly, Sumter is known for Swan Lake. Swan Lake is the only place in the world to have all 7 types of swans. Yadda Yadda Yadda. Finally, and most noteably, Sumter is known as the murder capitol of the south. . . or the country. . . THE WORLD. Sumter is among the tops in the country in death rate . Gangs are prevalent in the area, and Sumter is not a safe place to be after dark. Sumter's most famous murderer dates back a few years to a man by the name of Pee Wee Gaskins.

Donald "Pee Wee" Gaskins was born and raised somewhere between Sumter and Florence. His mother apparently was a floosy and bounced around from man to man, all of whom beat poor little Pee Wee. The object of frequent ridicule, Pee Wee (named for his small body) often got into fights at school. That is until he dropped out at age 11. He worked on his family farm and at a local car garage. At this garage, he found two buddies , Danny and Marsh, and they named themselves "the trouble trio" . The trio went around town robbing houses, picking up hookers, and even raping and beating smaller boys. Keep in mind they  was about 11 years old. The trio's sexual rampage ended when they were busted by one of the boys parents . The father of Marsh walked in while the trio was raping Marshes sister ! The father beat the boys senseless, and Marsh and Danny skipped town. Pee Wee stuck around and continued to rob homes.

 

At the age of 13, Pee Wee was interrupted during a robbery by a girl he knew. She attacked him with an axe , and in defense, he gained control of the axe and attacked her , striking her in the head and arms. He was charged with assuault and attempt to kill. He was sent off to reform school until he turned 18. While there, he was raped over and over by his dorm boss. He was constantly trying to escape, causing more sexual and emotional abuse. After a trip to the looney bin, Pee Wee escaped AGAIN and joined the traveling carnival. 

Yadda Yadda Yadda after finishing his sentance at reform school ( he turned himself back in after getting married to a 13 year old), Pee Wee went to work for a tobacco farmer. He began an insurance fraud scam by teaming up with local farmers and burning their barns down for the insurance money. After a short amount of time , people began to talk. They knew something fishy was up , and one girl confronted him. In fact is was the farmer's daughter . His bosses daughter made the mistake of calling him a barn burner. Her second mistake was doing so when he was equipped with a hammer. Pee Wee split her skull. He was sent to prison ( big boy prison this time ) for 5 years for assault . 

It was the same old story in prison for Pee Wee who was sexually abused in exchange for protection. Pee Wee grew tired of the abuse and decided to take action. Knowing his small frame would intimidate no one , he took a different route. He became friends with the meanest man in prison, Hazel. After getting close with him, he cut his throat in front of everyone. Though it cost him six months in solitary confinement, it gained him a lot of respect. Pee Wee never had any more problems in prison. He escaped and was returned several times before being released in 1961.

In 1961 he took a job as a driver and assistant for a traveling minister. This gave him an opportunity to burglarize homes all over the state, and making it hard for him to be traced. During this time, Pee Wee was turned into the police by his forth wife for statutory rape. he was returned to prison.  After being released , he picked up a female hitch hiker. When she laughed at his sexual propisition, he decided to kill her. First he beat her unconscious, raped and tortured her, then weighted her body down and drowned her in a swamp. It is believed this set him off. It was his first of many acts of torture. He began to torture all of his victims , often keeping them alive for days to watch them suffer. He even cannibalized his victims, forcing them to do the same. By 1975 he had killed more than 80 young boys and girls, and considered killing and torture as a "form of weekend entertainment." These were just for fun. This did not compare with his "serious murders."

Serious murderers included family members and close friends . He killed his 15 year old niece and two of her friends after torturing them in front of each other. In another incident, he raped a killed a pregnant woman, and her unborn child. He later described the sex with the unborn child as " the best sex of his life". Several people in town considered Pee Wee insane but harmless. Pee Wee did nothing for his reputation when he bought a hurst , telling people he needed it to drive around dead bodies.  Gaskins returned to prison in 1978 after being convicted of more than 100 murders. In an effort to avoid execution, Pee Wee began to tell of other bodies, not yet known by authorities. People he confessed to killing had already had trials and conviced other people who were in jail. On execution day, Pee Wee slashed his wrist in a suicide attempt. His wrist were stitched when he died in the electric chair. 

More about Gaskins, including gorey details about his tortures and killings, can be found in his book, A Final Truth. 

Abe Lincoln A Phillie?

Abraham Lincoln actually did play for the Phillies.  He made is debut as a catcher in 1883.  Now if you are an educated person you are thinking Lincoln got GOT in 1861.  Well true, this Phillie was Abraham Lincoln Wolsenholme, we trade Cy Young Award winners, All-Stars, and Gold Glovers why would we ever have President Abraham Lincoln.  We obviously get the Lincoln that goes 1-for-11 his first and only season in the show.  However, this dude was a little more connected to the Pres than just a name.  He was born March 4, 1861, the same day Lincoln became the 16th President.  He also passed on his birthday in 1916 in Philly, a mere 150 miles from Ford's Theatre.

Happy Birthday Mikey D

A special birthday shout out goes to Mikey D today on his 42nd birthday. Mikey is a fellow Physical Education major with Nails and I here at CCU. Hailing from the arm pit of America, Mikey D is known for his work out habits, height, and special ability to talk to the ladies. Happy birthday bro.